Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Nowadays life was low and cool but always full of blessing.Even without much wealth....I feel good enough,healthy enough,happy enough and full of joy. Today is a lazy day, not much thing to do in my shop so I just sat down and started to look into a small broken mirror on my desk.A face with the sign of aging .I realized that I am getting old and can't hardly see clearly all those wrinkles without squinting my eye.I feel like I should document this moment so I took a pen and start to scratch on the a4 paper in front of me.
Starting with the small eye,it looks bigger though because of the lens, bigger nose,bigger ears,overall head with less hair,collecting all those clear wrinkles near the nose under the eyes....within 45 minutes...
a self portrait of me.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Di pagi hari yang suram dlm bulan November 1993.....
Hari pulangnya ibunda Halijah bt Md Dali ke Rahmatullah, setelah sekian lama mengharungi sakit kanser. Ibunda tersayang yang telah memelihara aku dan adikku semenjak aku berusia 9 tahun hinggalah dewasa.Pada paginya, jenazah Ibu selamat dikebumikan berdekatan dengan kubur arwah abangku, Munshi bin Abdullah.
Petang...di ruang tamu....
Hari dah beransur senja, Ayah terbaring disofa rotan, keletihan akibat sehari suntuk melayan tamu.Aku yang duduk paling hampir dengan Ayah hanya memerhati keadaan Ayah.Ayah kelihatan sugul.Lewat senja muncul lagi tetamu memberi salam, Ayah berpaling menjawab salam dan terus bersimpuh menggagahi senyum sambil melayan tamu. Dalam berbual Ayah berpaling ke dapur....seperti mencari sesuatu, kedua kalinya dia berpaling dipanggilnya "Jah! Jahh!!ada orang mai nii...buatla kopi." Sayunya aku.....mengetap bibir menahan airmata.Aku separuh berbisik....sambil kusentuh tangannya"Ayahh...mak kan dah tak dakk...."Ayah tersipu sambil tersenyum "Laa...ayah lupa laa!!".
Kasih Ibu Halijah masih panas berbunga,tak terasa hilang disisi Ayah.Kasih seorang isteri yang solehah akan sentiasa dikenang suami.Bagai rusuk yang patah, sakitnya pasti hilang dan sembuh jua.Ibu Halijah orangnya penyabar dan selalu ketawa membalas kerenah Ayah.Tentunya Ayah sering merindui hilai tawa ibu Halijah.Lagenda hidup Ayah sudah 3 kali dalam hidup Ayah bercerai mati dengan isteri tersayang.Sebak sangat waktu itu memikirkan hari hari yg mendatang pasti tak seindah lagi waktu bersama orang yang kupanggil emak...
Ayah juga telah kembali ke Rahmatullah.....diusia gemilang 82 tahun.Namun bicara makna kasih dari Ayah diakhir akhir usianya akan sentiasa terpahat di hati dan terngiang-ngiang di telinga. Pada Ayah, kasih pada seseorang bukanlah untuk dibanding-bangdingkan.Hanya hati kita saja yang mengetahuinya.Kasih dan sayang ini ada banyak sangat dan ianya hanyalah untuk diberi....kalau orang sayang kita,kita seribu kali lagi sayang...kalau orang dah tak suka nak buat apa!....namun aku juga sedar dari bicara Ayah Ibu Halijah adalah seorang kekasih yg paling disanjung.....
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Had been keeping this photo for more than 10 years in my wallet.The wallet actually had changed twice but the photo keep on staying inside the new wallet.At that time my little girl, Sarah was only 2 years old and my little boy, Omar was only 6 years old.
The story goes like this....in September 1999, my wife,my kids and I went back to Mexico for a vacation.It was supposed to be a two week vacation but my wife decided to stay longer and I understand since she will need more time to be with her parent.After all it had been 7 years since I had married to her and brought her back to Malaysia so it is consider appropriate and agreeable that I let her stay as long as she wants.
After two weeks I came back alone and continue working.The first few weeks was fine as I continue to be very busy into my job...but then little by little I started to miss them especially my kids.My longing for them make me call them almost every night even just for a few minutes.Imagine a trunk call from Malaysia to Mexico every night.At the end of the month the bill came knocking at RM 500!!! I've decided that I must call them once in 5 days.
The longing start to take its toll on me,I started to feel sorrow and very lonely.Every night I just staring at this photo in my wallet and tears start dropping....Oh God!I'm crying and I miss them very much.I want to hug them,play with them and here them laughing.Deep inside I am very worried that my wife will not be coming back!!even though she had promised that she'll be back.I love her very much so I need to persevere and stay calm.....alone at night...!!
Somewhere in Feb 2000, I suddenly collapsed at work and was rushed to hospitals unconscious.They made me slept in the emergency room almost the whole day.At 6.00 p.m they wake me up and I was asked to go home.The doctor's diagnosed was..... too much stress,over worked and low blood pressure.The very same night my wife give me a call and started to asked if I'm okay or not? I lied to her saying that I'm fine and busy.To my surprised, she said that she know that I lied because her 'godmother' said that I was very sick and cried every night. Hey!!??they too had some kind of mumbo jumbo???
Only by March 2000, my wife started to say that she miss me very much and wanted to come home.The very next day I sold my Toyota Van.Then bought a ticket and few days later arrived in Mexico with a mission to bring them all back for good. ....And that was the longest six month that I ever felt in my whole life.......!
......but Mexico....we'll be back cause........ I left half of my heart in Mexico.Hasta la vista!!
Monday, March 14, 2011
This picture were taken probably in late 1989 when I first got to know her.For her this is just a friendly picture but for me it seem like I had captured a cardiac arrest moment every time I see this picture.I wrote about our first encounter in my old post few years back.The very first time I saw her from a window and the only second day I just arrived on Mexican land........the deja vu feeling that I had known her somewhere or somehow.
In 1994 after two years of marriage,expecting our first born baby.The feeling still fresh and vivid.I had to work out station for one week staying at a Putra World Hotel in Kuala Lumpur.I definitely cannot leave her alone for one week so I brought her along.......that is a one very happy face!
1998 with our second child on the way......but where is my boy???
After 17 years of marriage with lesser hair,I still consider marriage is just like jumping on a rubber boat heading straight to Niagara Falls....on a good lucky day you might still survive.....I still manoeuvre hard just like the very beginning .....this is a white water rafting.....!!!la vida loca!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Kali ini ia berbunga selepas habis musim hujan dan tiba musim yang dikira panas sangat.Yang hairannya ialah tiba-tiba saja terperasan yang pokok Mangga nii berbunga lebat sangat.Kali ini seluruh pokok ditumbuhi bunga dan sampai didahan pun tumbuh bunga.Biasanya kat hujung ranting saja tapi inilah pertama kali tengok bunga tumbuh di dahan.Daun tak ada tapi terus saja tumbuh bunga.Harap-harap akan jadi buah, membesar dan masak ranum.
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, sekiranya ini adalah rezeki keluargaku dari bumimu,Alhamdulillah aku amat bersyukur atas kurniamu.